i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
