she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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