Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
