The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Who died my cat blue again?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
