his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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