She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
