Cold hands, warm shart.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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