apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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