): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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