I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
