he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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