OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
