dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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