mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
