bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
