I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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