Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
