Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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