Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
