Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
