i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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