my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Enjoy the penises
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
we're so committed to being not committed
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
