oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
