Do you still have your period?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
