just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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