kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
