I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
