i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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