I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize