Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
