You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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