Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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