Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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