it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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