some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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