He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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