So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
