it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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