How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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