Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's rum buckets o'clock
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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