yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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