Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
