shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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