Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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