dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
