So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
