i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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