I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize