He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
