I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
