So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
