My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
