youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
