shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
