The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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