Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Vodka?
Forever.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
