I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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