he wants to bone in the snuggie
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
