I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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