I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just invented taco cereal.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
