I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
