if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
