And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
