That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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