My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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