i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
