Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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